Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.
That sound you can hear is Michael Fabricant screaming in anger.
Fabricant is a British member of parliament far better known for what we might charitably call his haircut than for any of his political beliefs (although this week he did say that older people are better at spelling, which is competlie nonspence).
Imagine someone cosplaying as Boris Johnson never having actually seen Boris Johnson and you’re getting close to the horror show that is Fabricant’s hair do (maybe hair don’t would be better). It looks very much like a wig but he says he isn’t, although he has admitted that “there is some — but only some — enhancement of the follicular area.”
Anyway, Fabricant would almost certainly be horrified if he knew that he is now not even close to having European politics’ oddest haircut. Please welcome to the stage Rain Epler, a former government minister from the Estonian nationalist party EKRE, who was elected to parliament in last weekend’s election.
WARNING: If you start Googling Epler’s hair, you’ll need to take some time off work. It is quite the rabbit hole to go down.
Epler clearly couldn’t decide which haircut he wanted, so he asked for them all. He looks like he’s wearing a helmet ready for battle, or perhaps, as Epler and his party are from the far right, maybe his barber is a refugee taking revenge.
Epler is highly unlikely to rise to the role of national leader, but another owner of a dodgy haircut, Donald Trump, says he will remain in the 2024 U.S. presidential race even if he faces criminal charges in the ongoing investigations into his handling of White House documents and alleged 2020 election tampering.
Late night talk show host and comedian Seth Myers once said of Trump (in his presence at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner): “Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a fox often appears on Donald Trump’s head.”
But in something of a shock, court documents released this week revealed that Fox News host Tucker Carlson wrote in a text message after the 2020 election that he “passionately hated” Trump. The surprising message came to light as part of a defamation lawsuit by Dominion Voting Systems — an electronic voting firm that accuses Fox News of promoting baseless claims of vote-rigging in the last election — against the TV network.
“There isn’t really an upside to Trump,” Carlson wrote, adding his name to an increasing number of Republicans who are against another Trump presidency. There’s only one thing for it — call Rain Epler’s hairdresser!
CAPTION COMPETITION
“Allegations of vote-rigging have overshadowed this year’s Russia’s Best Artist competition.”
Can you do better? Email [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque
Last time we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.
“Who are you and where is Liz?”
“She couldn’t make it: she tripped on a mini-budget,” by Manuel Aleixo
” by sdsdsds.
Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot news editor.
